Parenting

A Mother’s Day Prayer: What Matters (by Rachel Pakebusch)

As I count the years I have left to make an impact on my child’s life, I am sobered by the brevity of time. For what is my life but a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away (James 4:14). In light of this thought, feelings of shame rush in for all of the teachable moments stolen away with work and other worries.

Father, please guide this mother to remember what is important and lasting in this world. Your greatest command is to love you with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind. (Matt. 19:19) Your word says to seek first your kingdom, and all these other things will be added to me. Lord, give me the strength and counsel to live this out for your glory in the eyes of my child. This is the legacy I desire to leave impressed in his/her heart,
Within moments of this prayer, I know that I will fall short of this legacy. So, I call on your mercy that triumphs over judgment and is new every morning. Protect my child from my own wandering heart. Guard him/her from the sins than entangle me. Father, I call on the riches of your grace that abound freely. Divinely use my mistakes as moments for my child to grow in the understanding of the kindness of your character and the vastness of your immeasurable compassion.

As strongly as I feel that my child is mine, my heart also knows that You are the Giver of this great blessing and have favorably trusted me with this precious gift. Father, I humbly recognize that it is only through your mercy and grace that I am even able to stand as a mother. I rest in the intimate familiarity of the sweetness of your forgiveness and your redeeming love. May this mother be found faithful in Your eyes of what you have entrusted to me.

Amen

Rachel Pakebusch is a mother of four, a teacher of many, and wife of Murphy Church’s Discipleship Minister Paul.  

Adopted! Lessons Learned in the Heart of a Mother (by Darla Garrett)

My husband and I were content and acceptant that we were not having children. However, we were open to a family and had explored several options. None of the options felt right for us until a special little boy walked into our lives. We suddenly became parents to a one-year-old boy who was living with his Grandmother. Her health was not enabling her to remain his caregiver. The birthparents chose to pick the home where their little one was to be placed instead of having him placed in a foster home.
Three weeks after offering him our home, he came through our front door with signed adoption paper work. Wow! What a life changer for all of us. For three days, this little guy was disappointed, his new mommy answered his morning cries to get out of bed instead of his Granny. I just held him and told him what was happening and that everything was going to be all right. Quickly, God gave him a strong love bond to his new family.
Though this experience, I have learned several things and I will share a few. First, I learned that God provides the love bond. I deeply love the stranger who, I now call, “my son.” One of the first things that went through my mind as a mother was a question. Could my love for this little guy be strong? I prayed and prayed that our love-bond would grow strong. Six months later, I found that we were bonded by love for a lifetime. One night he had a seizure from a high fever. I carried him around the house and my husband called the ambulance. When he quit seizing, he wasn’t breathing. As I tried to arouse him and waited to determine if he needed CPR, great fear overwhelmed me. Prayers shot to heaven, “Please Lord, don’t let me lose him, I just got him.” I realized that he had become part of my heart. Fortunately, he did arouse and began to breathe without CPR. Through a horrible trip to the emergency room, I realized God had answered my prayer to love this little guy and bond.
Secondly, I learned not to fear the future but to trust in the power of prayer. Prayers for my son flow easy. As I hold him to drink his morning milk, prayers for wisdom pour out of my soul. I had fears for his future as a result of his broken birth family and the instability that went into his first year. I have learned to pray for him during the quiet times that we have together. For example, he likes to watch the garage door come down when we come home, so as he watches, I pray. My prayer has evolved to this: Lord please help me to be the mommy this little boy needs. Help his daddy to be the man he needs. Please protect him from evil and harm. Finally, help him to make wise decisions. For I have realized that my husband and I will do our best for him but ultimately he has to choose his life path and a relationship with God.
Next, the love of God should flow from me to him. It is ok not to know it all or have the right answers. I will not be perfect; I just have to be trying and there will be multiple chances to get it right. A love and trust bond should always connect from my heart to his. He should feel my love even when he is disciplined. For example, I let him know why he cannot do something with short explanations. Here is a sample of what I sometimes say, “no, no it will hurt you and mommy loves you and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Someone told me that parents say “no” to their children more than yes. My desire is for my son to have the feeling that he can achieve. One day he’ll learn the verses about being more than conquers and doing all things through Christ who gives us strength. So, to help him with this biblical principle, I say, “you can” more than “no, no.” It seems a little strange at first but, when put into practice, it eventually flows. For example, “you can walk without holding my hand down this hall.” “You can put the bubble bath in the water.” “You can have some more milk.” “You can help me with the laundry.” My goal is to love him in a way that will give him the tools to be all God wants him to be.
Finally, it is our responsibility to tell him about God along with the church. His dad leads him in prayer routinely and encourages him to pray. He leads us to church and encourages our involvement. Nightly reading time is a routine at our house. The concepts of the Bible are what I like to stress as I read Bible stories and even Dr. Seuss books. Here are some examples of the concepts. First, the concept “God made him special” comes from “I Wish that I had Duck Feet” by Dr. Seuss. Secondly, I stress that “God has great things in store for his future” through his adoption. We read the Alice in Bibleland series story of Moses. He was adopted and called to do great things. Thirdly, we talk about “God loving us very much” when we read about Gideon in the Vegetales series.
Our adoption experience was truly the hand of God orchestrating our family’s composition. Emotions swell up inside of me when I think about being chosen to guide a little boy through his life. God is the giver of all children and they are a blessing. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to love a little life and for the lessons that I’ve learned.

Darla Banks-Garrett lives with her family in Fort Worth, Texas. She works as a Nursing Administrator. Before becoming a mother herself, she served children for many years in children’s ministry.  She also had the misfortune of having to grow up as Lash’s big sister.  

 

Dad Life: Lessons from a Fence Post

For the past two years, my daughters and I have been at war with a wobbly fence post. Made from the lowest quality pine the home-builder could find, this fence post has been tasked with a most important job: to provide security to my children and keep the neighborhood from enduring the antics of Labradors on the loose. But alas, it has failed miserably. Come wind, come snow, come rain, you can be assured that this God-forsaken, piece of junk of a fence post will continue to wobble and in the process drive me crazy.

When toddlers call you “Dad,” you’re supposed to be able to fix these sort of problems. So, I began seeking solutions. My first thought was that drought was the culprit, so I watered the ground around the post hoping the well-watered ground would huddle around the post; nope. For my next solution, my girls and I ventured to Home Depot and bought 60 pounds of concrete. The collective intelligence of my girls and my vast construction experience was certain that we had solved the issue; nope. Finally, I summoned my inner Si Robertson and decided to solve the problem “redneck style.” I wrapped bungee cords around the post and anchored it to my wheel barrow. To my delight the post no longer wobbled; we were happy, happy, happy. But the HOA of “yuppie-vile” for some reason did not share in our glee.

Finally, it was time to solve this once and for all. After watching all five Rocky movies for inspiration, we put some “Eye of the Tiger” in the ear buds and William Wallace eye-black beneath our eyes determined to end this fence post’s tyranny of wobble. The scene was truly inspirational to my adoring wife. As she watched my suburban physique attack this fence post’s fortress of concrete and dirt, her head nodding in disbelief, I knew she was thinking, “I am one lucky girl.”

After much weeping and gnashing of teeth, we reached the source of our trials: deep beneath the ground, the post was rotted and fractured. My only solution was to remove the decay, put a new post in the ground, and then seal it with a 100 pounds of concrete (yes, I realize I went overboard on the concrete). I am pleased to report that through the valiant efforts of my girls and me the threat has been once and for all removed. Today, a six-foot post of cedar stands boldly in its place; a testimony of American ingenuity signifying to all who pass by just what fathers and daughters can accomplish together when we put down our remote controls and chicken nuggets and come together in hope and change.

The experience reminded me of something that deep down we all sense: something is broken. “Girls the world we live in is full of injustice, suffering, evil-acts, and selfish hearts. Sometimes it feels like we are trying to hold life together with bungee cords and a wheelbarrow. But God intervened into our scene so that we may be redeemed. God dug deep—He put a post in the ground, removed the decay of sin, and sealed the redemption of all who believe, through the blood of His son.”

Looking down I caught a glimpse of my six year old’s emerald eyes gazing at me. “Do you understand sweetheart?” I said. To which she replied, “huh?!” “Exactly, none of us understand it all completely, but God doesn’t call us to understand it all; God calls us to believe.”

Dear Student (A Letter of Encouragement from the Heart of a Pastor)

Dear Student,

Remember when you were born? It was a pretty rough time back then: Bush and Gore had an election standoff, the WorldTrade Centers fell, people were losing their jobs, dads were going to war in Afghanistan and Iraq. When you were born, you brought hope. People were so excited you would have thought mom and dad had just built an epic house in Minecraft or won free music downloads for life. They even made you a birthday cake with Psalm 139:14 written on it: “I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.” (HCSB).

It’s been fascinating watching you grow up. Congratulations on learning to walk, talk, and eat with a fork (well, most of the time). You’ve downed your milk, ate your Flinstones, swallowed six bites of veggies, and took your shots (or, if you parents are “earthy,” you endured the mumps). You’ve also managed to learn to reed and right (even learned to spell); your math goes well beyond your toes, and despite your mother’s fears, you really do know how to hear. You’ve scored the goal, achieved the belt, rounded the bases, and remembered the notes.  You’ve worn the crown, found the treasure, solved the puzzle, and built the fort. It’s time to play the anthem and raise the flag; congratulations, you’ve earned it: childhood gold.

So when did it happen? When did the familiar smile in the mirror lose its teeth? When did your joyful eyes become critical? Here’s my guess: you started comparing yourself to others. The little boy in the mirror discovered that he’s really not Spider-Man, that some guys have more to talk about than video games, score more touchdowns, make better grades, collect more laughs, and receive more texts with girly emoticons in them. The little girl learned that Cinderella ends with a lie. She discovered that some girls have straighter A’s, take better pictures, have cuter clothes, get more invitations, and cause more boys to act a fool.

The tragedy in this is that when you lose your smile you’re donating your self-image to a bunch of people who really don’t care about you. Even worse, you’re rejecting God’s design for you. The Psalm was true when you were born, and it’s also true for you today. You are “remarkably and wonderfully made.” Instead of placing your trust in others to tell you how you’re supposed to feel, place your trust in Christ. God loves you, and God has a life-story for you. God has carefully designed you and equipped you to live out your own story. Pursue God’s best in your life; the best you is the one that God made.

Please don’t spend life trying to be like everyone else, and please don’t waste life trying to gain approval from everyone. Instead, live your life in God’s approval; pursue Christ’s reflection when you gaze at the mirror. Do you realize that when you believe in Christ, you belong to God?  The cross has been raised and you stand beneath it graced with eternal gold. Through Christ, you have the approval of the One who made you. Live in that approval; grow in that approval; love in that approval. So, give yourself consent to smile again, because you were, are, and always will be remarkably and wonderfully made.

 Lash Banks is Lead Pastor at Murphy Road Baptist Church (murphychurch.com). Lash’s weekly podcast/sermon can be heard at http://www.buzzsprout.com/17504 

by Lash Banks

5 Things This Dad Wants His Kids to Learn BEFORE Kindergarten (or at least by age 40).

It may be the most amazing moment life has to offer: that moment when you hold your son or daughter in your arms for the first time. At that moment, love drenches your heart. Your arms are filled with hopes and dreams. It’s a celebration which quickly turns into a staggering responsibility. During those first five years, a foundation is built which must be strong enough to sustain a century of living. It’s enough to make you swallow hard and pray for wisdom. Lord, what are the most important things for me to teach?

I am blessed with 3 little ones ages 6 and under. I’m just a dad like any other dad trying to navigate the foreign world of diapers, cartoons, and organic cheese-sticks, with my gorgeous wife who now holds the additional title of mom.  Recently, our church asked the question, “What is it that you really want your children to learn before kindergarten?” Here is my attempt to answer that humbling question.

God’s Grace—I want my kids to understand Christianity through the lens of grace. It’s easy when kids are young to teach a “do this and don’t do that” view of Christianity. In our efforts to teach children obedience, we have to be careful not to teach them that God’s love for them is based on their loveliness. When my children reach that moment of salvation, I want them to believe in a God that loves them so much that He sent His son so that whoever believes has eternal life, not a God who’s “making a list and checking it twice, gonna find out who’s naughty and nice.” It’s the difference between gospel grace and performance moralism.

Dad’s Grace—The most frightening reality of fatherhood for me is that my children are forming their images of God the Father from watching their own father. How can I teach them that God is graceful if I am not? My kids have to know that their Dad loves them unconditionally whether they are being good or bad. “Daddy loves you kid, now go to timeout.” I want my children to understand there are consequences, but beyond the consequences I want them to know that grace abounds and love endures.

To Listen from Their Heart—Among the greatest accomplishments of parenthood is the ability to speak to the heart of your child. When my kids are young I can control their behavior, because I’m bigger than they are, and I control their source of Goldfish, milk, and bunk beds. As children grow older an amazing deafness to wisdom occurs when they have never learned to listen from the heart. If, as father, I don’t learn to speak to their heart in toddlerhood, then I fear they will grow deaf to the Heavenly Father’s voice in adolescence.

Reality—Repeat after me “It’s okay for my children to be disappointed and sad, to know the word ‘no,’ and to have boundaries. It’s okay for my child to cry, to lose, and to struggle in their work. It’s even okay for my child to understand that life is precious and loved ones die.” Like you, I never like to see my kids hurt or struggle; daddy wants to make it better, but making it easier is not always making it better. The harsh moments are life’s greatest classroom. When life grows hard, faith, hope, and love must be my curriculum.

To Love Others—My first child rocked my world. That little one took my time, my money, my energy, even my sleep! That first year of fatherhood caused me to take a grueling look within and face my selfishness, but my love for my daughter motivated me to give her my all. The scriptures reveal the soul’s default of selfishness. If I don’t teach and model for my children what it means to love others, who will? Every night as they go to bed I pray a simple prayer over them: “Lord, help us to love you, love one another, and love others.

Parenting is hard work and there are no guarantees. We can’t be the Holy Spirit in the lives of our children. Children are gifts from God, and God is the author of their life’s story. But God has also called Moms and Dads to the amazing journey of guiding the heart of a child that He dearly loves. When you hold that little hand, you are holding a heart. Of all the people on planet earth, God has chosen you and equipped you to drench that little heart with love. You can do this!

 Lash Banks is Lead Pastor at Murphy Road Baptist Church (murphychurch.com). Lash’s weekly podcast/sermon can be heard at http://www.buzzsprout.com/17504