Marriage

Life from the Margins: Abnormally Normal

Among the battle-grounds in the same-sex marriage debate was an elusive, sought after quality called “normal.” For centuries, those with same-sex attraction were labeled as abnormal, so much so that society cut them off from what Justice Kennedy described as the “foundational” rights to love and marry. But that has now changed. In a 5-4 vote of the Supreme Court, the label of abnormal was officially removed. The White House, Coca-Cola, Cinderella’s castle were among the millions proclaiming their joy and support with rainbow gleam. Our culture celebrates when that which was abnormal is embraced as normal.

Among many Christians, there is a deep seething. You likely won’t see it marching down streets, hash-tagged, or acknowledged in the news. But, as a pastor, I have never seen such despair in the hearts of church-goers, especially those who remember America before the sexual revolution. They are depressed and frustrated; they feel betrayed, lost, and abnormal in their own country. Many of them feel they are being cut off from the “foundational” rights to exercise free-speech and faith. It is a painful irony that many in our culture also celebrate when the normal becomes the abnormal.

As a graduate of approximately 6,500 Christian worship services and 10,000 sermons, I have an observation: American Christians have been obsessed with being normal! We desire Jesus, love, grace, and the blessings of the cross, but we have often run from the scorn that accompanies His message. Have we forgotten that Jesus’ own culture wanted to kill him? The message of Jesus has always been abnormal. In our quest to be relevant, we have often abandoned our heritage and embraced the superficial. We have tweeted self-help with a twist of Jesus and unfriended the substantive preaching of sacred Scripture. We have envisioned church as an amusement park where we ride the Jesus-coaster to our preferred destination instead of a community of believers who profess that Jesus is the destination.

Where has our obsession with normal gotten us? Well, fewer people are now going to church, fewer people are being baptized, our cultural voice is on mute, churches are closing at an alarming pace, and we have a shortage of godly pastors. Meanwhile, our congregants struggle to understand page-one truths of Christianity like: life is a gift from God, gender as divine design, marriage and family as foundational to society and well-being, sexuality as an expression of biblical marriage, and new-life as both the destination of redemption and the action of God’s love. (https://lashbanks.com/2014/10/25/5-gifts-of-covenant-marriage/)

Now Christians are being forced to the margins of the discussion, perhaps we should take a deep breath, familiarize ourselves with our new surroundings, and realize that the margins are our earthly home. Genuine believers in Christ are not normal; we are abnormal. Remember the words of Jesus:
“If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. However, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of it, the world hates you. Remember the word I spoke to you: ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will also keep yours. But they will do all these things to you on account of My name, because they don’t know the One who sent Me (John 15:18-21,HCSB).

As Christians, we have a unique place within the social order. Our faith is anchored in sacred truth. For centuries, millions have lived their lives, loved their families, and cared for the world guided by the truths of Scripture. We understand that the 100 year window of earthy life is not the tense of past, present, and future. Our lives here are but a vapor and our future is with Christ in eternity. The cross is the place where the normal become abnormal; heaven is the place where the abnormal become normal.

5 Gifts of Covenant Marriage

The Christian Scriptures begin with the words “In the beginning God created.” Before the first cup of coffee is finished in my reading of Genesis, the Scriptures reveal five gifts that for centuries have been the genesis to the Christian understanding of big questions like personhood, family556855_3584754975744_1232987464_n, sexuality, community and the beautiful gift of covenant marriage.

Gift 1—The Choice of Creation (Genesis 1:1–“In the beginning God created”)—The opening line of Christianity proclaims that life is not an accident; it is a gift. God designed it and infused it with purpose. Life is not merely a survival of the fittest quest toward nothingness: life has a divine purpose through which I find faith, hope, and love. I didn’t choose life; God chose to give me life.

Gift 2—The Complement of Gender (Genesis 1:27–“He created them male and female”)—Repeatedly, the Scriptures proclaim that humankind is created in the “image” of the creator: male and female. Human Beings are unique in that we seek the spiritual and search for deeper meanings. We communicate and create. Beyond the coldness of cause and effect, humanity seeks the beauty of art and the complexity of love. The simultaneous equivalency, distinctive, and complement of gender expand the reflection revealing more clearly what it means to be made in the image of God.

Gift 3—The Bond of Marriage (Genesis 2:24—“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”)—Marriage is the foundational human relationship through which family and community are built. Marriage compels a man and a woman to leave the homes of their youth and bond with one another in a life-long covenant. Marriage is a life-long covenant between husband, wife, and God, that unites them as one family.

Gift 4—Covenant Sexuality (Genesis 2:25—“Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame”)—Beyond drive, attraction, expression, or feeling, sexuality is an intimate display of the life-long, loving bond of marriage: a private renewing of public vows. It is mortal love’s most powerful act: bonding souls, expressing love, extending pleasure, and forming family. It exposes a couple’s mutual vulnerability and created compatibility revealing a passion that is not learned but instilled with divine intent.

Gift 5—Children (Genesis 1:28–“Be fruitful, multiply.”)—A beautiful baby lying gently in a mother’s arms is inherent to the Bible’s creation and redemption stories. New life is the product of divine creation; it is the destination of redemption and the action of His love. It is through new life that our past finds forgiveness, our present finds meaning, and our future finds hope. It is through new life that the ancient remains modern. Through the birth of a child, the stories of creation and love are readily seen. Through the welcoming of a child into the bond of family, the story of redemption is quietly proclaimed.

As a Christian, my belief in God and Jesus Christ as Savior is not a hobby or vehicle for political power. Nor, is it new thinking: the by-product of greater connectivity, mobility, and awareness. My faith is foundational to who I am as a person and grounded in centuries of heritage. I understand that not everyone is a Christian. But, religious or not, we all have a worldview; it’s how we process life’s ultimate questions: Where do I come from? Why am I here? What happens when I die? What should I value? How should I treat others?

For 2000 years, in the lives of millions, these page-one gifts have formed the fabric of how we understand marriage, family and community. They have been viewed as givens: inherent to the human experience and not to be unraveled. Today, there are many, even within Christianity, who feel that these gifts must be scorned or, at best, repackaged, for society to progress. But before pronouncing these gifts as ancient and irrelevant inviting them to kiss goodbye, perhaps we would first do well to remember what Jesus said, “what God has joined together, man must not separate (Matthew 19:6).”