It may be the most amazing moment life has to offer: that moment when you hold your son or daughter in your arms for the first time. At that moment, love drenches your heart. Your arms are filled with hopes and dreams. It’s a celebration which quickly turns into a staggering responsibility. During those first five years, a foundation is built which must be strong enough to sustain a century of living. It’s enough to make you swallow hard and pray for wisdom. Lord, what are the most important things for me to teach?

I am blessed with 3 little ones ages 6 and under. I’m just a dad like any other dad trying to navigate the foreign world of diapers, cartoons, and organic cheese-sticks, with my gorgeous wife who now holds the additional title of mom.  Recently, our church asked the question, “What is it that you really want your children to learn before kindergarten?” Here is my attempt to answer that humbling question.

God’s Grace—I want my kids to understand Christianity through the lens of grace. It’s easy when kids are young to teach a “do this and don’t do that” view of Christianity. In our efforts to teach children obedience, we have to be careful not to teach them that God’s love for them is based on their loveliness. When my children reach that moment of salvation, I want them to believe in a God that loves them so much that He sent His son so that whoever believes has eternal life, not a God who’s “making a list and checking it twice, gonna find out who’s naughty and nice.” It’s the difference between gospel grace and performance moralism.

Dad’s Grace—The most frightening reality of fatherhood for me is that my children are forming their images of God the Father from watching their own father. How can I teach them that God is graceful if I am not? My kids have to know that their Dad loves them unconditionally whether they are being good or bad. “Daddy loves you kid, now go to timeout.” I want my children to understand there are consequences, but beyond the consequences I want them to know that grace abounds and love endures.

To Listen from Their Heart—Among the greatest accomplishments of parenthood is the ability to speak to the heart of your child. When my kids are young I can control their behavior, because I’m bigger than they are, and I control their source of Goldfish, milk, and bunk beds. As children grow older an amazing deafness to wisdom occurs when they have never learned to listen from the heart. If, as father, I don’t learn to speak to their heart in toddlerhood, then I fear they will grow deaf to the Heavenly Father’s voice in adolescence.

Reality—Repeat after me “It’s okay for my children to be disappointed and sad, to know the word ‘no,’ and to have boundaries. It’s okay for my child to cry, to lose, and to struggle in their work. It’s even okay for my child to understand that life is precious and loved ones die.” Like you, I never like to see my kids hurt or struggle; daddy wants to make it better, but making it easier is not always making it better. The harsh moments are life’s greatest classroom. When life grows hard, faith, hope, and love must be my curriculum.

To Love Others—My first child rocked my world. That little one took my time, my money, my energy, even my sleep! That first year of fatherhood caused me to take a grueling look within and face my selfishness, but my love for my daughter motivated me to give her my all. The scriptures reveal the soul’s default of selfishness. If I don’t teach and model for my children what it means to love others, who will? Every night as they go to bed I pray a simple prayer over them: “Lord, help us to love you, love one another, and love others.

Parenting is hard work and there are no guarantees. We can’t be the Holy Spirit in the lives of our children. Children are gifts from God, and God is the author of their life’s story. But God has also called Moms and Dads to the amazing journey of guiding the heart of a child that He dearly loves. When you hold that little hand, you are holding a heart. Of all the people on planet earth, God has chosen you and equipped you to drench that little heart with love. You can do this!

 Lash Banks is Lead Pastor at Murphy Road Baptist Church (murphychurch.com). Lash’s weekly podcast/sermon can be heard at http://www.buzzsprout.com/17504